My Unconditional Love

My lovely silkworm friend Rachel(as i call her fondly) made a special request for me to blog about love today. Not ANY love, nooo not any old love. Unconditional love!

*falling off chair, stumped by the magnitude of this topic*

ok, i'll try... here goes. *wink wink*

When we were all students staying in the student hostel back in 1993, lovely rachel was pursued by this boy we nicknamed 'Egg Guy'. Rachel reminded me during our online chat today that he was given this special name cos he borrowed an egg from us in the kitchen one day (and b****y did not return it dammit!!!)

But... unconditional love.... as we know it in everyday life, mainly pertains to the love a parent has for his/her child. So i thought about Egg Guy, and how maybe he is happily married by now with happy little egg children!

goosebumps yet, rachel? :P

Jokes aside, hmmm. In counselling there is a concept that shrinks need to follow called 'unconditional positive regard'. Basically, it means not imposing your own personal values onto your client, even though he may be a mass murderer! rachel and i agreed that this kind of positive regard is similar to the unconditional love a parent has for his/her child.

That got me to think about other kinds of love. ah.... lovelorn me! but again, that aside, I got to thinking about what i described to Rachel as God-given values and human values. the relationship this has to love? Rachel and i agreed that, regardless of one's faith, in a man/woman relationship, a God-given (or universal, if you like) value is that the man, because he is made physically stronger, is meant to protect the woman. and the woman, because the universe/God made her softer and more in touch with her emotions, is meant to be in a supporting/submissive role to the man, substituting her emotional strength what she does not have in physical strength. What about human made values then? well one could say they include all the other rubbish that unreasonable couples expect of each other in order to have a 'happy relationship.' like, for eg, the man must make good money, the woman must wear Chanel, the kids must go to selective schools and become doctors and lawyers, etc etc etc.

But what ABOUT unconditional love then? my interpretation of that is that we owe ourselves the God/universe-given value of loving ourselves unconditionally. simple and sweet. if our interactions with others are a reflection of what we truly are and truly feel (which indeed it is), then for us to show others unconditional love would mean that we need to reflect our own unconditional love to ourselves. to me, without one, the other cannot manifest. trust me, i have seen one too many self-loathing parent who hates their life who proclaim that they 'love' their child and push them to do all sorts of crazy feats like... becoming a doctor or a lawyer. it is sort of like, erm... without the egg, there will be no chicken, and vice versa.

I ended our conversation by teasing lovely silkworm rachel about the bouquet of flowers which the infatuated Egg Guy gave her once. From memory, it had given her major goose bumps, and it did again when i brought it up after more than 15 years!

My teaseful suggestion to rachel prompted her to say goodbye and log off from the chat... because she had said that she hated those flowers, and that she thinks guys who give flowers to girls are so cliched anyway, i suggested that what if... guys giving girls flowers is also a God-given value? because, face it, most girls swoon for flowers? which would mean that she was not in tune with God-values???

*Rachel is now offline*

Adieu my God-given blog fans!!!

"An egg in a second, goosebumps for a lifetime"

~emo-me~

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A Matter of Spock

Today, i was surfing around being my usual voyeur self on facebook, when i came across this coolzzz picture! and i thought to myself, now surely that is a sign that i must blog today? and blog about the brain and the mind? and sound like i am totally in touch with all that brain/mindovermatter/etc etc etc debate that is going on? (i THINK there is some debate going on on this topic, there almost always is some clever observation to make about our brain, no? cos then it shows that the observer's brain is indeed smart and clever - a win-win!)

anyway, here is the picture!

it shows, as you can tell, a strong brain doing strength training!


what makes a strong brain? hmmm maybe i will leave that question to the neuropsychologists, and rephrase that to: "What makes a strong mind?"

i saw someone today whom i think was very strong. but yet, she was oh so weak. in the midst of her upbeat, unaware cheer in spite of her terrible life experiences, i sensed that this aura of cheer she exuded came from being, i am sorry to say, a little bit naive about life. she did not truly see the severity of the injustices that had been done to her, by her husband, by the law enforcers who wrongly accused her, by her scheming lawyers and by the govt authorities who failed to protect her. and there i was, crying silently for her in my heart all the time i was nodding and acknowledging her story.


Did i know too much? or did she know too little? is simple minded good or is ruminating a positive thing? is my writing starting to sound a tad like carrie bradshaw's clever lines? i think my point is this: there IS no point. no point in trying to 'get the better of'. or in thinking 'what if?' she, my client, in all her naivete, is no better or no worse. in other words, she couldn't ever be anything other than herself. which means, when applied to our own situation, whatever we do, whatever happens to us, whatEVER choice we make or dont make, it is ALWAYS meant to be, it is always 'right'. WE are the writers of our own life-books, and WE feature in them. we do not want to be featured in someone else's story, our roles and scripts cast by them.


a friend of mine told me recently that everything can eventually be traced back to patterns in nature. what i mentioned above is sort of like a young seedling, starting to sprout its leaves, stems, tendrils and roots. there are a kazillion million different ways these can sprout, but eventually the plant chooses only one. and whatever it chooses eventually, THAT makes the plant. that determines how much sunlight it gets, how able it is to reach water, and how vulnerable it is to grazing animals.

I will sign off now with a picture of Mr Spock from Star Trek. Simply because...
a) i just heard him mentioned on my faithful radio

b) and Mr Spock is a nice symbol of how when one is rigid and pre-emptive of things in life like him, and decides what IS right and what IS wrong, then eventually one's heart gets broken...


Pic of Mr Spock taking his chances in life...

"I am what I am, Leila, and if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. Mine can be no worse than someone else's." ~Spock in 'This Side of Paradise'~




Ta to all!!!

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